


Seconds Over Silence

by tatertotarmy



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Original Character(s), Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 08:28:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9376775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatertotarmy/pseuds/tatertotarmy
Summary: First, she was Touko Yamamoto. Then, Touko Sohma. Finally, Touko Fujiwara.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a two-part fanfiction I've been wanting to write ever since the Fujiwara episode was released. Please enjoy the first part! I hope my writing from the perspective of a younger Touko fits well.

Touko swallowed regret and anxiety into a smile, telling herself to stay calm. She had practiced smiling for hours before she left. Despite her best practice, Touko still felt inadequate.

“Touko! You made it!” an ecstatic voice, a hug from a close friend from middle school with a large baby bump between the two. Sana still looked the same as ever, with a curved figure and a bright smile that could light up the room. Touko could barely register the touch, only focusing all her energy to keeping it together. 

“I couldn’t miss it, Sana!” she replied, trying to sound as happy as possible, “Only a month away, right? Oh, I wonder how Makoto will like having a little brother.”

“He’s getting used to it…oh?” Sana looked behind Touko, some surprise lining her features.

Touko held her breath, knowing the next question. She hated it.

“Where’s Seto?”

Touko fought the emotions bubbling up in her stomach, fighting it down with a crisp, clean smile, “Work called him in. He’s sorry he can’t attend.” She bowed down in apology, feeling sick the entire time.

“Oh…” Sana paused, studying her as she slowly rose back up, “Well, that’s too bad. I’m glad you’re able to come, though! Come in, come in! I invited some of our other classmates! Middle school seems like it was forever ago…”

She wondered if Sana noticed the dark beneath her eyes, the pale of her skin, the frizz of her hair barely kept back by a hairclip.

“It’s been years, hasn’t it…”?

Touko kept all those feelings locked up. Even when everyone at the baby shower wondered why she was alone.

“If it isn’t Touko! Where’s Mr. Sohma? Work?”

“Touko Sohma! Ah, it feels so weird to call you that.”

“Seto’s such a work-a-holic, Touko. He’s needed to relax ever since high school.”

_Smile, Touko._

“You’ve always been such a lucky woman, Touko.”

“So, when are you expecting, Mrs. Sohma?”

“We’re just teasing! But twenty-four is about the time to think about children, right? Sana’s already got a head start on you.”

_Smile. It’s only for one afternoon._

“Touko, can you help me with something?”

She flinched, hearing a voice call out to her about halfway through the party. Sana stood from the crowd, one arm protectively over her stomach and the other beckoning Touko to follow. In a daze that Touko struggled to fight off, she followed Sana to another room. It was neatly cleared out, save for boxes of children’s supplies – diapers, old clothes from her first child, gifts from various relatives for the new child. Touko watched as Sana turned around, a thin line on her lips.

Touko was silent for a moment, “What did you need, Sana? I can carry whatever you need so you don’t strain yourself.”

Sana took in a deep breath, leaning against a wall decorated with family photos, “I should be saying that to you. Touko…you’ve been looking rougher as the day goes on. What’s going on?”

“Huh?” Touko let her smile fall a bit, before forcing it right back on, “What do you mean? Sana, you shouldn’t be worrying on your day!”

“Touko…did something happen recently?”

“No, everything’s been fine!”

“Every time someone mentions Seto…you just get worse.”

Touko flinched. Her smile fell into a sad one, eyes falling to the floor. Sana was always observant, even when nobody else ever realized it. She knew that there was no getting around it. At the back of her throat, the admission screamed to escape. She took in a long, shaky breath, trying to keep it together with a small, fragile smile.

“Yesterday, Seto and I were divorced.”

Sana’s eyes widened, lips parting in total shock, “Wait…what? How come I haven’t heard about this? I called you a week ago, Touko!”

“It went by so quickly…” Touko kept smiling, flinching when she felt a tear roll down her cheek, “After I got your invitation, I went to the doctor. Seto and I were trying to have a child…and it wasn’t happening. And the doctor told me that…it’s impossible.”

“Touko…!”

“I wasn’t upset by it. I was a little afraid of becoming a mother, honestly…and even then, there’s adoption,” Touko sniffed, trying to keep it together, “But…Seto wanted an heir. His family did, too. They’re a well-off family…and once they knew that I couldn’t…it just went by so fast. Seto didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“What? But…you’ve been together for so long!” Sana’s voice increased in volume, increased in hate.

Touko couldn’t even pretend to smile anymore, “His family gave me money to quietly leave. What else was I supposed to do but take it? I found an apartment…but I’m so scared, Sana. I can’t tell my father about this. I’m scared. I can’t tell anyone.” She was beginning to cry. She hated this. She hated how her husband dropped her like garbage. She hated how it was her own body to blame. She hated how she dumped this on Sana on her own celebration. 

“Touko….Touko it’s okay. It’ll be alright,” Sana pulled Touko down to hold her close, “Touko, shh. It’ll be fine. They don’t know what they just gave up. Seto doesn’t deserve you. He never did.”

“It was really fast, Sana,” Touko’s breath hitched for a moment, breaths choking on sobs, “The night before I went, he told me he loved me. And then when I came back, he hated me. It wasn’t just my body, was it?”

“Shh…no it wasn’t you, Touko. It was never you.”

“I-I’m…so sorry, Sana. This is supposed to be a good day.”

“I’ve had a child before, Touko. You’re more important right now. My baby has a month of waiting to do.”

“B-But everyone else…”

“They don’t have to know. I can ask my husband to close up the party early. I can say I have typical pregnancy issues.”

“B-But – “

“Don’t, Touko. I need to make sure you’ll be fine.”

\--

It had been five months since the divorce, and Sana had been the reason that Touko had even pulled herself out of the rut she had been thrown into. Within weeks of their talk, Sana had used her connections to secure a small apartment in the city and a part-time job helping some elderly priests maintain a shrine. It didn’t earn Touko much, just barely paying rent, but it was something. 

Touko had deposited the money Seto’s family had given her in a bank account. She felt wrong, keeping it there. It was like she had been bribed to leave him. If she was in the right mind, she would have sent it all back. But the bills were tight, and Touko could barely afford to save money. One mistake could ruin her. And she didn’t want to take advantage of Sana’s kindness again. 

One part of her held onto the money like it was a connection to Seto. Like one day he would come to take it back. 

She hated that side of her. But it was hard. She had loved him throughout the entire process. She still did, even when her chest ached every time she thought about him.

“Ms. Yamamoto…Ms. Yamamoto!”

Touko jumped, stopping her regular sweep of the shrine to look at one of the priests, who peeked in from a sliding door. It was embarrassing that she was still getting used to being called by her maiden name again.

“Yes? Sorry, I was lost in thought.”

“Oh, it’s quite alright,” the priest gestured to the sky behind him, “It’s getting late. You should start heading home, young lady.”

“Oh! You’re right! Thank you for letting me know!” Touko rushed to rest the broom in the corner.

“Also, my niece made too much onigiri today. I think she got a little too excited with variety. Feel free to take some home with you. They’ll be sitting on the deck.”

The sliding door closed, and Touko paused to smile.

The priests always seemed to have too much food. And they always offered it to her.

They were really kind, weren’t they?

With a small box of onigiri in hand, Touko left the shrine for the apartment. She didn’t live too far, only a fifteen-minute walk on the streets of a busy town. Even though it was a relatively safe place compared to a bustling city like Tokyo – where she had originally intended to move before Sana immediately shot it down – the priests always insisted she leave before sundown. Always looking out for her like she was younger than she actually was. It was nice.

Touko paused at a street corner, waiting for some cars to pass by.

At her feet, she heard a meow.

She looked down, practically melting at the sight of a stray tabby cat, looking up at her with wide eyes.

“Ah, hello there,” Touko spoke, “Aren’t you a friendly one?”

The cat meowed again, rubbing its head against her leg.

“Aw, I just wish I could take you home. You have a place to stay, right?”

The cat meowed. Touko felt some stares press into the back of her head.

“I hope you do…” Touko smiled, speaking quieter this time, “It isn’t nice when you don’t have a place to go. I hope you’re just an outdoor cat.”

Another meow. Then, Touko felt a drop of rain.

“Huh?” Touko looked up right as a downpour descended on the streets. The cat bounded off.

“Ah! Stay dry, Mr. Cat!” Touko called out as she herself ran for cover. Oh, of all the times to leave her umbrella at the apartment, it had to be that day. After a short run on the sidewalk, she found a small overhang against one of the taller buildings in town. She panted, trying to wipe the rain from her clothes, to no avail. At least the onigiri was safe in a container. 

She sighed, looking out at the rain from the overhang. 

Touko really hoped that the cat had a family.

It was scary to be in the world alone. It really was.

“Um…”

A quiet, awkward voice. Deeper, male. Touko turned around to see the handle of an umbrella offered to her. A black umbrella, plain.

“Do you…need this?”

A tall man, with wire-framed glasses and a stoic face. He looked like an office worker, with a button up shirt and nice dress pants. 

“O-Oh! I’ll be fine. I think I just have to wait it out,” Touko answered, waving off the kind gesture. The man looked out to the rain, looking a little uncomfortable.

“My bus stop isn’t far from here…I heard that the rain is going to just get worse…so…”

“Oh, really? But I wouldn’t want to take your umbrella, sir!”

“It’s fine. I have another at home.”

Touko looked at the umbrella. She didn’t want to be stuck out there forever…but still…

“Thank you very much…” Touko spoke with a smile, gently grabbing the handle, “But are you sure?”

“I’ll be fine. Please be careful on the walk back…”

Before Touko could even ask for a name, the office worker ran off into the rain, leaving her with the umbrella. 

She looked down at the umbrella. She was thankful…but she didn’t want to really take it. Oh…if only he told her his name. She could have at least looked up an address to send it to after she got to the apartment.

Touko opened the umbrella and walked out, turning back to the building.

At least she knew where he worked.


End file.
